A Texan Moves Up North -- Snow

Subject: 	A TEXAN MOVES UP NORTH

My Aunt Cheryl gave this to mom because she thought it was funny.  Don't know if 
you will appreciate the humor in this but I thought it was somewhat amusing.  
I hated typing all the cuss words (since I don't cuss, I find them offensive even
in jokes - cringe) but it sorta loses it's punch without em.  Hope y'all are 
smart enough to fill-in the blanks.  (grin)

A TEXAN MOVES UP NORTH

Dear Diary:

Pg. 8		5:00 P.M.  It's starting to snow.  The first of the season and 
the first we've seen in years.  The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and 
sat by the picture window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the
trees and covering the ground.  It was beautiful!

Pg. 9		We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering 
the landscape.  What a fantastic sight!  Every tree and shrub covered with a
beautiful white mantel.  I shoveled snow for the first time in years and 
loved it.  I did both our driveway and sidewalk.  Later, a city snow plow 
came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from
the street.  The driver smiled and waved.  I waved back and shoveled it again.

Pg. 10		It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
dropped to 11 degrees.  Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to
the weight of the snow.  I shoveled our driveway again.  Shortly afterwards, the 
snowplow came by again and did his trick.  Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Pg. 11		Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which
soon became ice when the temperature dropped again.  Bought snow tires for
both cars.  Fell on my _____ in the driveway.  $145.00 for a chiropractor,
but nothing was broken.  More snow and ice expected.

Pg. 12		Still cold.  Sold the wife's car and bought a 4X4 in order
to get her to work.  Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable 
amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel.  And another 8 inches of
white ____ fell last night.  Both vehicles covered in salt and crud.  More
shoveling in store for me today.  That ____ snowplow came twice today. 
(you fill in the blank, I just couldn't do it).

Pg. 13		Two degrees outside.  More ___ snow.  Not a tree or shrub
on our property that hasn't been damaged.  Power was off most of the night. 
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater; 
which tipped over and damn near burned the house down.  I managed to put
the flames out, but suffered second degree burns and lost all of my eyebrows
and eyelashes.  Car slid on ice on the way to emergency room and was totaled.

Pg. 14 		_______ mother-__ white ____ keeps on coming down.  I have 
to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the ___ mailbox.  If I ever
catch that ___ that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and rip out 
his heart.  I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish 
shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 mph and buttes our driveway
again.  Power still off.  Toilet froze over and part of the roof has started
to cave in.

Pg. 15		Six  _____ more ___ inches of ____ sleet and ____ ice and who
knows what other kind of white ____ fell last night.  I wounded the ____ snowplow
_______ with an ice cube but he got away.  Wife left me.  Car won't start.  
I think I'm going snow blind.  I can't move my toes.  Haven't seen the sun in weeks.
More snow predicted.  Wind chill factor -22 ____ degrees.  
Screw this _____.    I'm movin back to TEXAS!!!