**THE** Letter Home

**THE** 
Letter Home

Dear Mother and Dad:

It has now been three months since I left for college.  I have 
been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness
in not having written before.  I will bring you up to date now, 
but before you read on, please sit down.  You are not to read
any further unless you are sitting down...  Okay???

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now.  The skull 
fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the 
window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my 
arrival, are pretty well healed now.  I only spent two weeks 
in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only 
get three headaches a day.

Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed
by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the
one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance.  He also
visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live 
because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me
to share his apartment with him.  It's really a basement
room, but it is kind of cute.  He is a very fine boy and we 
have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. 
We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my
pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant.  I know how much you are
looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome
the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care
you gave me when I was a child.  The reason for the delay in our
marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which 
prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I
carelessly caught it from him.  This will soon clear up with 
the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms.  
He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. 
Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, 
I know your expressed tolerance will not permit you to be 
bothered by the fact that his skin colour is somewhat darker 
than ours.  I am sure you will love him as I do.  His family
background is good, too for I am told that his father is an 
important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he
comes.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that
there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull
fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not
engaged, I do not have syphilis and there is no schwartze in my
life.....  However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in 
Science.... and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper
perspective.
			Your loving daughter, 

I was told that this letter
was used from the pulpit in 
church one Sunday as a lesson
in "seeing things in perspective"
and I understand that you
couldn't have heard a pin drop.

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