Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife
TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her
home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her
new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress
him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman
as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come
out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your
wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a
woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into
marrying the wrong woman. Then work another
seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in
the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil
for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future
father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a
wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a
bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all
relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold
a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell
your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her
for me." If your parents question your decision,
simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare
to lose your son though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.
(It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus,
example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with
quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT!!!
--Paul Corinthians
